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The longer I delay this and the more formal I try to make this entry, the less likely it is that I'll actually finish it.
Here, without further adieu (and it's already been a VERY long adieu) is everything that major that happened to me over the past 2-3 years since my last major entry.
1) Got academically dismissed from school due to my GPA being too low. Don't want to ruminate on that too much. Got back in, tackling school anxiety, learning to actually force myself to do things I don't want to do, which
2) Took some time off for about 2 years and worked a professional, non-retail job that required me getting certified and getting my own keycard and everything. Payed pretty decently too, more than any other job has at least.
...Aaaaand I lost it due to irregular orthodontist appointments making me have to miss days of work. Also possibly my lateness issues. And my not really paying too much attention during work hours.
...Just my being unreliable in general, really.
It felt humiliating, but it was a learning experience.
...That's a pun, and nobody who reads this except me will know how.
3) Got WAY the fuck into Vtubers. I already was, but...it's a long story. This new wave called Luxiem came around, and there was this one guy who caught my attention and I liked him, and then I watched him a lot and he became my first ever only true "oshi", and that got me to start paying attention to Vtubers more and I fell deeper in the "rabbit hole" than I thought I'd been before and they helped me cope with loneliness and this fandom and especially certain sub-fandoms were some of the kindest and most mature I'd ever been a part of, it being the very first time I think I'd EVER wanted to truly be *involved* in a fandom beyond creating and consuming content, and I spent a LOT of money holy shit, and then people retired from being Vtubers and I've gotten very upset and I may have doubled over sobbing at least once and then we had companies being more blatantly sketchy than they were before and it started giving me negative feelings whenever I thought about it and I'm so confused as to what I should think and I'm also furiously bitter because this is the second time in my life I found an online "community" that motivated me to improve my life only for it to turn sour and become the subject of debate whenever it's brought up, and
And.
And it's so much to get into that I almost regret that I wasn't using this journal the entire...2 YEARS this obsession has been going on. I made an itabag for the first time! I almost participated in a fanzine. I got in fan debates. It's been...something. Pretty much took over my life.
One that note, one of said Vtubers got me really into something else that's grabbed me by the horns and yanked me in.
4) I...got into danmei. I picked one up out of curiosity because one of my oshis was a huge danmei lover, and I decided to take the plunge and read it. I don't know why I decided to. But I've fallen in love with the imagery of beautiful men in flowing robes and long hair dancing across the water and twirling through the air, against the backdrop of the sparkling scene of a seemingly endless forest of bamboo, and mountains that plateu like the tables of gods, and martial arts that involve having to spin in the air about 17 times before landing a punch. I...really like it. It's been my escape. I never really related to weebtakus who were so obsessed with Sengoku Era Japan and how "cool" samurai were, but I...think I understand now. Chinese historical fantasy. Yeah.
I've read a 1000 page book almost three times.
5) I started playing Genshin Impact on a whim.
6) I go to cons now! I'm at least trying to. There're devastatingly fun.
7) To cope with the fallout from the Vtuber thing, I started bindging South Park, and now that's my new thing.
8) I finally. Finally. F I N A L L Y. Got a new and proper graphics card. Being able to play games I want on my PC is everything I ever could've dreamed it would be.
...That's all for now.
Here, without further adieu (and it's already been a VERY long adieu) is everything that major that happened to me over the past 2-3 years since my last major entry.
1) Got academically dismissed from school due to my GPA being too low. Don't want to ruminate on that too much. Got back in, tackling school anxiety, learning to actually force myself to do things I don't want to do, which
2) Took some time off for about 2 years and worked a professional, non-retail job that required me getting certified and getting my own keycard and everything. Payed pretty decently too, more than any other job has at least.
...Aaaaand I lost it due to irregular orthodontist appointments making me have to miss days of work. Also possibly my lateness issues. And my not really paying too much attention during work hours.
...Just my being unreliable in general, really.
It felt humiliating, but it was a learning experience.
...That's a pun, and nobody who reads this except me will know how.
3) Got WAY the fuck into Vtubers. I already was, but...it's a long story. This new wave called Luxiem came around, and there was this one guy who caught my attention and I liked him, and then I watched him a lot and he became my first ever only true "oshi", and that got me to start paying attention to Vtubers more and I fell deeper in the "rabbit hole" than I thought I'd been before and they helped me cope with loneliness and this fandom and especially certain sub-fandoms were some of the kindest and most mature I'd ever been a part of, it being the very first time I think I'd EVER wanted to truly be *involved* in a fandom beyond creating and consuming content, and I spent a LOT of money holy shit, and then people retired from being Vtubers and I've gotten very upset and I may have doubled over sobbing at least once and then we had companies being more blatantly sketchy than they were before and it started giving me negative feelings whenever I thought about it and I'm so confused as to what I should think and I'm also furiously bitter because this is the second time in my life I found an online "community" that motivated me to improve my life only for it to turn sour and become the subject of debate whenever it's brought up, and
And.
And it's so much to get into that I almost regret that I wasn't using this journal the entire...2 YEARS this obsession has been going on. I made an itabag for the first time! I almost participated in a fanzine. I got in fan debates. It's been...something. Pretty much took over my life.
One that note, one of said Vtubers got me really into something else that's grabbed me by the horns and yanked me in.
4) I...got into danmei. I picked one up out of curiosity because one of my oshis was a huge danmei lover, and I decided to take the plunge and read it. I don't know why I decided to. But I've fallen in love with the imagery of beautiful men in flowing robes and long hair dancing across the water and twirling through the air, against the backdrop of the sparkling scene of a seemingly endless forest of bamboo, and mountains that plateu like the tables of gods, and martial arts that involve having to spin in the air about 17 times before landing a punch. I...really like it. It's been my escape. I never really related to weebtakus who were so obsessed with Sengoku Era Japan and how "cool" samurai were, but I...think I understand now. Chinese historical fantasy. Yeah.
I've read a 1000 page book almost three times.
5) I started playing Genshin Impact on a whim.
6) I go to cons now! I'm at least trying to. There're devastatingly fun.
7) To cope with the fallout from the Vtuber thing, I started bindging South Park, and now that's my new thing.
8) I finally. Finally. F I N A L L Y. Got a new and proper graphics card. Being able to play games I want on my PC is everything I ever could've dreamed it would be.
...That's all for now.
