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Hate-browsing through people having such violently angry reactions to the "dorky anime bf" meme (made by a 14 year old girl, by-the-by), paired with the 4319835703941578 mud-slinging jokes I've read about teenagers on tumblr idealizing and fawning over some thin, emo-banged animated male character, and then turning around and teasing teenagers for wanting to fuck more monstorous-looking characters...

...Combined with the dozens of jokes I used to hear back in ye old fandom days about silly little girls always fawning over bad-boy type characters because women always like a "project"...

...And how much it always feels like "second verse same as the first" concerning people's attitude about teenage gals, or women in general being attracted to male characters the same way males are to female ones...

Well...basically says to me that nothing ever fucking changes, and there are dozens of people who will never admit how irrationally fucking pissed-off/disgusted just by the mere thought of a girl being attracted to a character [sarcasm] and just can't seem to figure out why! [/sarcasm]

(Something likely not worth anyone hearing but still worth mentioning just to get it off my chest is how this reaction almost never occurs when it comes to girls being attracted to female characters, brings up a lot of thoughts in my head regarding people's idealization of grl/grl lub~, and how it's inherently purer and toooootally less likely to involve any kind of conflict or abuse than any love involving a male, and certain folks' demonization of males and how, no, misandry is not on the same social level as misogyny but it is still fucking annoying jesus christ, and I just want to up and say "I think there are some people out there that are disgusted at the idea of a woman even being attracted to a man", but that train of thought might have been sparked just by all the biphobia I also stumbled upon today, and...I don't know I am tired and stupid and writing this off-the-cuff and probably genuinely borderline Triggered(tm) over nothing, and god I think about this kind of shit so hard, so much, that trying to get all these feelings down on e-paper for the first time in such a small amount of words is...far too much.)

Anyway, thank you for coming to my TEDtalk.

I shall epilogue by saying that if I see one more fucking Tweet about how, "all men are the same" (rapists) in this current fucking year (doesn't matter what year you're reading this in, if it is a year that is occurring or has occurred on this earth my feelings are guaranteed to be the same) than I am going to take a knife to my brain-meat.

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Had dinner at the food court of my local mall, this evening. Fried rice and mango chicken, sitting at the bottom on my stomach like a clumped, ricey rock.

I have this memory that's stuck with me for a long time now on the topic of eating out:

Egoraptor once did this pretty by-now well-known rant on Game Grumps about hating the experience of ordering food from Subway, and puts on a more pissed attitude as the rant goes on while he describes how increasingly frustrated every step of the whole Subway walkthrough makes him, and he eventually gets to a point in his monologue where he describes getting so pissed about them overtoasting his sandwich that he yells, "by then you're like, 'I JUST WANT LUNCH'".

And the majority of that description is just superfluous, because the thing I honed in on the first time I watched that- which, good gravy, by now feels like forever ago- was him describing going to Subway as, "lunch".

Lunch. Going to an actual fucking restaurant for lunch. Going through all those people, looking at you, undoubtedly thinking about you, thinking terrible, disgusting things about you about how disgusting and terrible you are, and talking to the cashier and trying to bumble your way through figuring out what you want, putting a time limit on yourself and how much you're allowed to just stand there and think about what you want, because you otherwise must be wasting everybody's time, being an awful, terrible, non-decisive thing, unlike normal humans who have this shit down without even trying, never having to worry about out how to hand a damn credit card to someone, and not make a mad dash back to your car to hide in your room for another 424 hours.

It's fascinating how much of a...not-thing even being around strangers is for me now.

I hope I never take that for granted.